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[personal profile] syri_chii
So where do you go when you're gone?
Aiba/Nino, Jun/Nino friendship
1686 words, G-PG (for themes?)
Nino is hiding everything, including himself.
note: er, this took me longer than expected and I'm still frustrated about it (and some real life issues) but I need to let this one out even though it's like pieces of a much larger story( which is, it is). I want to apologize because it has become an angsty fic even if I started it as a happy one. So, as much as I want to say enjoy reading, I'll just say brace yourself. Oh, title is taken from Michelle Branch's song.

Nino knows he should not be thinking like this but somehow the thought wouldn’t leave him alone. It’s like a virus that is spreading so slowly, eating him from the inside unless he talks about it to someone.

And the worst part of it was the person who is responsible of starting it is the same person he needs to talk about it.

Yes, it sucks.

“I don’t honestly know what’s going on his mind anymore.”

Nino glances at his side only to find Ohno, the person he’s talking with, eyes closed.


Ohno opens up his eyes and stares at Nino.

“Maybe he’s just teasing you.”

“It was really a wrong move to tell him about Jun.”

Nino goes back to looking at the logbook for the third time now. Somehow, he keeps forgetting what he’s supposed to be looking for.

“I think…” Ohno starts but is cut off by the other.

“I know,” Nino says even before Ohno can say what he has on mind. “I guess that’s why I’m being put in this situation.”

It was a totally wrong move of me.


“You what…”

“Sshh… Keep it down, you know.” Aiba whispers while he eyes if anyone has heard their conversation. “It’s not exactly what I said. I mean, there’s something...”

Nino looks narrowly at his friend while they continue to walk out the hospital. Aiba takes a deep breath and releases a defeated sigh.

“Okay, maybe there’s a little but still I don’t think we can’t be…”

“And why?”

Aiba pauses from walking and stares shockingly at Nino. “Why? You’re asking why? That’s because our personalities are so alike.”

“Then that even makes the both of you more compatible.”

“No, no,” Aiba shakes his head vigorously. “We are so alike that I most probably know what to say or do. And I don’t like that.”


And before Nino could even hold off his thoughts, the words fall easily out from his mouth.

“Actually, there’s someone that is intriguing me,”

And that’s enough push for Aiba to ask for more and Nino knows too well Aiba to leave him hanging.


Aiba is on his way to visit a co-worker when he spots Nino in the hallway belatedly realizes he’s on his way to Nino’s station as well.


Nino is doing rounds and just finished checking a patient when he hears Aiba’s voice. He turns around and sees Aiba walking to his direction.

“Hey, your co-worker is admitted here,” is what Nino says as Aiba comes near.

“I know. I’m on my way to visit him actually,” Aiba answers while he adjusts his bag and walks beside Nino.

“Come on then.” Nino looks at Aiba first before knocking on the door.

“It’s okay if you stay a bit,” Nino tells to Aiba later after the rounds. They are going back to Nino’s station.

“Nah, I think it’s fine that I visited him.” Aiba replies as he stands on the other side of station, leaning on the marble counter.

“Are you sure?”


Nino steals glances at Aiba while he arranges the charts and everything on the desk. Aiba catches Nino few times and he cannot help to ask.



“You’re been looking at me. Is there something with my face?”

“I don’t really mind,” Nino says again. This time, it finally sinks in to Aiba what Nino has been telling him.


Nino only looks at him, almost daunting that makes Aiba loses his words (as usual)

“What? I’m not.”

“Okay.” Nino replies as he starts to do some charting. They remain quiet for a minute before Aiba loses it. He gets up and starts to walk away.

“I’m going home.”

“Have a safe trip then.”

Aiba makes one last look at Nino, wanting to say something but decides against it.


So we’re trading secrets now?

That’s what Nino thinks. He feels that he is obliged to tell something because Aiba has shared something with him as well.

But that’s because Aiba is like an open book that Nino can tell even in a glance.

But it’s hard to talk about it inside the hospital confines, because it’s like there’s someone who is always listening. Well, that’s what Nino thinks anyway. Even though he has that kind of mindset still, sometimes his mouth manages to get the best of him.


Aiba stops in tracks and swiftly turns around only to face a serious-looking Nino. They are standing outside the 24 hour convenience store. They haven’t talked since they left the hospital grounds.

"Kazu," Aiba's voice is gentle amidst the noises surrounding them, which makes it even harder for Nino to speak up whatever he has on his mind.

"Never mind."

You're my personal secret.

Nino tries not to meet Aiba’s eyes. He knows too well what those eyes say to him. But he cannot tell now. It’s too heavy and maybe sudden. He’s not quite ready.

One day. I’ll tell you.


"Eh? But you two looked good with each other."

"What nonsense are you spouting about?" Nino asks to Jun while he absent-mindedly flips the pages of the logbook even if he isn't really looking for anyone’s lab results.

Somehow, he and Matsumoto Jun or Jun as Nino prefers to call him, after exchanging few conversations in the past, have become friends.

Eventually, it has become a habit of Nino to hang around the laboratory. (Or just an excuse to escape from his area sometimes because really, if he may have something to admit that is his work is starting to bore him a little.)

"You're not actually good at lying," Jun tells him while he’s looking in the microscope. He lifts his eyes away and starts to write down on his notes before he turns around to face Nino. "Because you see, you wear your heart in your sleeve and everyone can tell it. I’m just not sure if the both of you are aware of it, or pretend to not notice or must be really dense. Whichever it is, I cannot tell."

Nino pretends not to hear what Jun has spoken.

"Go on, keep telling that to yourself. Or whatever you believe."

It’s not I want to believe. I want to be convinced.


Nino wants to forget, erase or make it disappear. It means the something burning in his chest whenever he hears or sees Aiba and Sho.

It’s actually Jun’s fault, he thinks. He really doesn’t need to know that Jun saw Aiba and Sho outside the hospital, or the two of them walking together in the hallway.

It shouldn’t bother him actually because he and Aiba are friends. They don’t have anything except friendship. However, the sting that creeps out of Nino’s chest when he sees Aiba and Sho talking with each, together doesn’t help.

“You know Sho right? He’s from the same area as mine.” Aiba tells him one time.

Nino only nods his head, keeps his eyes on the street. It has become a routine for them to walk after their duty even if they have been walking for twelve and more hours.

“He’s almost like you.” Aiba continues and then makes a side glance at him, perhaps looking for a reaction but Nino, being him, puts up a poker face.

“Anyway, so we were checking out the charts when we got into a real conversation…”

Nino’s attention is torn between what Aiba is saying and to his friend himself. He won’t admit it out loud but he’s taking in his friend’s profile.

“I mean we’re so alike.”

“And why don’t the two of you get together then?” Nino’s mouth in rare occasions, is quick than his brain.

“What? No way. It’s just not possible.”


“Don’t ‘ehh’ me,” Aiba hits Nino in the shoulder.

“It hurts, you know.” Nino massages the area but aside from the shoulder, something aches.


So am I.


It must have slipped out of Nino’s mind. Or he’s just pre-occupied over other things. Whichever it is, Nino’s attention has been diverted for weeks until now.

“Hey, how’s Aiba?”

Nino lifts his eyes from the chart and looks at Jun who is standing in front of him.

“He’s okay,” Nino replies and then returns to the chart he’s checking.

“So how are you two?”

“We’re fine,” Nino answers not bothering to look at Jun this time even though he can feel Jun’s stare at him.

“Oh, I see,” is what Jun says. However, Nino does not see the disappointment on Jun’s face.

He has been spending less time with Aiba for the past weeks. He knows it and it’s not because he’s avoiding him. (Okay, maybe a little but he’s not the type who goes asking Aiba’s schedule)

He can sense that they are drifting apart (or maybe it’s just him) and it’s all because of him. A part of him isn’t ready to meet with Aiba after what happened. He should confront Aiba because his friend needs to know, has the right to know the thing that’s consuming him.

The problem only is this; he doesn’t know how to begin.


The next time they see each other, it’s all by chance. Well, that’s what Aiba thinks but Nino knows otherwise. They go home together but the topic isn’t brought up until they reach the apartment.

“Don’t force yourself,” Aiba speaks in such low, almost in a whisper voice.

Nino freezes as the words coming out from Aiba’s mouth sink in. It’s like a déjà vu except it’s Aiba who’s telling the very same advice he has given before. He looks Aiba even though he’s not prepared to what’s he’s going to see.

Aiba’s smile is off, like it’s forced and maybe with sadness that Nino wants to wipe it out from his face.

You’re not supposed to smile like that. Nino thinks, wants to say aloud but his voice gets stuck in his throat.

“Come to me when you’re ready. I’ll be waiting,” Aiba stands up and walks out the door. That’s the only time Nino notices the bag by the door.

“In the meantime, take care Nino.”


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